Wait for the perfect woman. She's out there. Don't settle. Don't.

 Congrats on being the first to the egg.

 Don't turn to the dark side of the force.

 Watching Kung Fu movies does not make you Bruce Lee.

 You're still that awesome when you're older.

 You at least live to be this old, so stop worrying and do some crazy shit!

 You know that band you like a lot? You should sit down.

 It's okay to feel awkward everywhere you go. It's part of life. You can be yourself, even if your personality is a soft spoken doormat with a patient streak a mile wide. Also trust passwords to prove you are from the future are silly. Use them for alternative timeline identification. Got that?